Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Pattern of abuse

Double click on this picture if you are unable to read the content. If you are reading this blog then you have questions? Please go through all these points and be honest... is this you? If it is, or if it is someone that you know... you have to get some help. Being the victim of domestic violence is the most painful experience I have ever had and I wish that I had known more when I was younger, but we didn't have so many self help books, Dr. Phil and Oprah. We didn't have the internet and there really was no one to talk to, but that is not the case anymore, there is lots of help available for those who really want to end the violence.
I am fully aware that my opinions may be controversial, but I have been through two abusive marriages for a total of 25 years, I learned a lot! One thing I want to say at the outset and that is that victims need to realise that they are part of the abuse, it takes two. I am not saying you deserve it, but what I am saying is that as long as you stay, you are accepting it.
I had a thought today and that was that if a drug addict, or alcoholic, addicted gambler or someone with an eating disorder, went to their local police station with a complaint like this....

I am here to file a complaint. I want to get a protection order against the drug dealer where I get my drugs, or close down the bottle store where I buy my alcohol, or I want you to close down the casino near where I live, or close down all the cake shops.... what would the reaction be... it is too ludicrous to even contemplate. As long as there are people buying pornography those who participate in the act will continue.

Yes I know you are going to say... what is your point? Are you saying that the abuse is my fault? No what I am saying is that you are choosing to stay in the abuse. As long as an abuser has someone to abuse, he will continue. With all the above examples, those things start out being fun, eating drinking and being merry. People take drugs because it starts out feeling good. We as victims of domestic violence stay for the good times which become few and far between.
Until you say... enough and  NO MORE you will always be a victim.

I know from my own experience that leaving can be the easy part, surviving and staying away is the hard part. Each time he comes back saying sorry, we open the door again to more abuse. I have met an spoken to many people in 50 years, I have never yet heard anyone say to me... my husband or boyfriend used to be abusive but he stopped. Oh sorry I do know one, but then when he stopped beating his wife, he escalated the emotional abuse.
A man who abuses women has never learned how to treat a women with respect and he is unlikely to seek help because it is your fault remember!
I speak of him, or he throughout what I will be sharing, but that doesn't mean that women don't abuse men. I will be speaking about ways that women abuse men in the future.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

SHE by Matthew

Title: She

She was a strong,
loveless woman.
She said,
"He doesn't love me no more.
He doesn't hold me down or beat me against the concrete floor,
doesn't hit me with concrete thoughts as he slams the bedroom door.
He doesn't deliver fists as gifts that fit my tits nor feeds the kids
with love from lips,
nor takes my hints not to brake my ribs,
he's got skills but kills my emotions when he breathes from gills,
HE doesn't love me no more."

She was the type who bragged to friends
about his jealousy, his strength and the power in his hands.
Yet the same hands transformed into fists,
fists that tore her body into bits,
bits that disfigured her body kits.
His hands transformed into fists that beat, bruised, abused and used
her face as a comfort zone.
His hands... landed on her ribcage,
but she wasn't on the same page.
So his rage landed on her ribcage,
told her her friends, "This is love,"
but her friends weren't on the same page.
"Dump the bastard he's got rage,
like an animal he belongs inside of a cage."
"No, no, no," she said.
"He's my man and...
without him I'd go mad and..
he didn't get love from an early age."
Her excuses made him and exclusive explosive in her existence,
but her persistence will ensure that woman like her face exstinction.

You see, if beating a woman was a test,
this man had passed it with distinction.

Every night neighbors had front row seats,
if they missed it today, tomorrow the movie repeats.
This piece depicts,
how on a daily basis a womans life depletes,
how the cycle of her life becomes complete.

See, she grew up in a society where heart attacks
were a result of a very fat attack
caused by ignorance of bioslim.
A society where woman believed a knife should be used for cutting,
buttering and terminating unborn life.
I prayed that this type of woman would never be my wife,
but had Eve aborted...
maybe, just maybe,
the Cain's in us wouldn't have survived.
He doesn't love her no more...

                                                    DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IS UGLY

Do you care.

In just a single day my life changed

his eyes were so blue

his smile was so genuine

he said he loved me

we laughed a lot and had so much in common

or so I thought

beyond tomorrow there was hope

he made me believe that love was real

that passion is out there for everyone who looks for it

he promised the world and didn’t deliver

Do you care?

My heart was open and willing

to try and trust again

it was broken once before

they say forgive and move on

and I did a thousand times

this time I wouldn’t hold back

I would give him all I had

and hope and pray

that honesty and openness pays

and he would care

enough to do the same

he didn’t

Do you care

He lied

he betrayed

he gave others

all that he promised me

he angered and raged accused and withheld

he beat,  kicked  swore and punished

he controlled

he gave gifts to show he loved and cared

and took them all away whenever he chose

Do you care

He said I was his soul mate

he made love to me

with passion and intensity

he did that with other women to

he told them I was crazy

that he wanted to leave

and I wanted to stay

he forgets that he did to

we danced

a macabre dance

but we danced

we loved and laughed and cried

he lied

Do you care

It was over and I cried

my heart was broken

shattered into tiny pieces

there was no sleep

there was no tomorrow

nightmares torment pain and anguish

memories that haunted day and night

good and bad

they said move on with your life

forgive him

but the trust was gone

I couldn’t he could

he promised her the same

Do you care

The years have passed

he surrounds himself with people

who all believe the lies

he doesn’t cry

there is no shame or remorse

of course he doesn’t care

the children saw the pain

the screaming accusations

they said nothing

and died inside

they kept their secrets

from their friends

and lived in fear

now they are torn between

what’s right and wrong

who is good and who is bad

will they choose the same

will they find real love

with trust and understanding

kindness and compassion

or choose to fight and kick and punch

or lie betray and say I love you

who the hell cares