Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Pattern of abuse

Double click on this picture if you are unable to read the content. If you are reading this blog then you have questions? Please go through all these points and be honest... is this you? If it is, or if it is someone that you know... you have to get some help. Being the victim of domestic violence is the most painful experience I have ever had and I wish that I had known more when I was younger, but we didn't have so many self help books, Dr. Phil and Oprah. We didn't have the internet and there really was no one to talk to, but that is not the case anymore, there is lots of help available for those who really want to end the violence.
I am fully aware that my opinions may be controversial, but I have been through two abusive marriages for a total of 25 years, I learned a lot! One thing I want to say at the outset and that is that victims need to realise that they are part of the abuse, it takes two. I am not saying you deserve it, but what I am saying is that as long as you stay, you are accepting it.
I had a thought today and that was that if a drug addict, or alcoholic, addicted gambler or someone with an eating disorder, went to their local police station with a complaint like this....

I am here to file a complaint. I want to get a protection order against the drug dealer where I get my drugs, or close down the bottle store where I buy my alcohol, or I want you to close down the casino near where I live, or close down all the cake shops.... what would the reaction be... it is too ludicrous to even contemplate. As long as there are people buying pornography those who participate in the act will continue.

Yes I know you are going to say... what is your point? Are you saying that the abuse is my fault? No what I am saying is that you are choosing to stay in the abuse. As long as an abuser has someone to abuse, he will continue. With all the above examples, those things start out being fun, eating drinking and being merry. People take drugs because it starts out feeling good. We as victims of domestic violence stay for the good times which become few and far between.
Until you say... enough and  NO MORE you will always be a victim.

I know from my own experience that leaving can be the easy part, surviving and staying away is the hard part. Each time he comes back saying sorry, we open the door again to more abuse. I have met an spoken to many people in 50 years, I have never yet heard anyone say to me... my husband or boyfriend used to be abusive but he stopped. Oh sorry I do know one, but then when he stopped beating his wife, he escalated the emotional abuse.
A man who abuses women has never learned how to treat a women with respect and he is unlikely to seek help because it is your fault remember!
I speak of him, or he throughout what I will be sharing, but that doesn't mean that women don't abuse men. I will be speaking about ways that women abuse men in the future.

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