The battle to survive an abusive relationship goes way beyond just leaving.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Forgiveness is a choice
This isn't a very good picture but you get the message.
FORGIVENESS !
For anyone who has been abused this is really a hard one. I am a Christian and I know that my faith teaches me that Forgiveness is an essential requirement and one that I wrestled with for a long time. The very thought of forgiving the people who had caused me so much pain aroused extreme anger in me.
I have had to forgive many people in my life. Some who were directly responsible for my abuse from childhood right into adulthood and some people who worsened my pain with their judgment and criticism. People who I had never even met had strong opinions of me.
The only think that I can share is that FORGIVENESS takes time and people do need to be held accountable for what they have done. It is difficult to forgive someone who shows no remorse and hasn't owned up to the damage they have caused, but if we wait for that day it may never come and that is the sad truth.
Forgiveness is a choice we make, not for the other person but for ourselves. Begin with saying...I am willing to FORGIVE. When we make that statement we open up our hearts to a new way of thinking, a new way of responding and a new way of feeling. Unforgiveness and anger go hand in hand. Forgiveness and Peace do the same.
Day Two
I did say that this would be 16 days of inspiration, but on the Dr Phil show today was a program about a young woman named Logan which I think is important for me to share.
It is important for us all to educate ourselves as to the shocking things that happen to children that we cannot ignore.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Day One
16 Days of Activism against Women and Child Abuse
Well, I will be posting for the next 16 days to inspire those of you who are locked into the cycle of abuse.
For the past 7 years since I wrote my book I was on my own personal journey to heal. So often we don't give ourselves time, to work through some of our own choices and how and why we ended up where we did.
Someone said to me this morning... we chose the wrong men, then she asked, or did they chose us. In my humble opinion we weren't sitting around like flowers in a flower shop waiting to be picked, we also make choices and have to take some responsibility when things didn't turn out quite the way we expected.
Men who abuse women have often come from abusive backgrounds and why they don't chose to be different is beyond my own understanding, but we also chose them and for very similar reasons. Many of us grew up with abuse and witnessed fathers and step fathers abusing our mothers. Then why didn't we chose a different path, surely one would think that the signs are there from the beginning? Did our mothers deserve what they went through? Did they stay longer than they should have? Did they protect us as children or did they also expose us to the trauma of their dysfunctional relationships? We know the answer to that. They too were victims.
I am not crazy about the word VICTIM it implies that we are helpless and often that is true, but there certainly are times when we are not. Domestic Violence breaks down one's confidence and our faith in the future and in ourselves. If we are ever going to change the course of our own lives we have to take some responsibility.
1. We have to accept that we made some huge mistakes. Believed the lies that were told to us but even when we knew the truth we didn't do much about it.
2. We have to think about our own lives, what we want, what we deserve and how we are going to achieve those things.
3. People don't pitch up on the doorstep to rescue us, we have to find ways to rescue ourselves.
4. We need to surround ourselves with people who DO understand what we are going through, or have been through. BUT we must be careful not to get stuck in pity parties. For a while we need shoulders to cry on, but sooner or later WE have to make the next move and put one foot in front of the other.
5. We need a plan. From my own experience by the time my own marriage was over I hardly had the strength to get out of bed, let alone plan for a safe and happy future. Try not to wait until it gets that bad. Spend time with someone who cares about your future and together start planning for the future. Leaving an abusive relationship often doesn't happen over night, but as long as we have some plan in place as to how we are going to end the abuse, we have taken the first step.
There is plenty of information on my website concerning how to GET OUT SAFELY from an abusive relationship, spend some time on the site searching for the information you need.
TIME TO THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE AND YOUR CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE THEM.
If you need to ask any questions you can email me at carylw3@mweb.co.za I will how ever not be responding to any emails after the 10th December 2012.
More information, click on this link.
Well, I will be posting for the next 16 days to inspire those of you who are locked into the cycle of abuse.
For the past 7 years since I wrote my book I was on my own personal journey to heal. So often we don't give ourselves time, to work through some of our own choices and how and why we ended up where we did.
Someone said to me this morning... we chose the wrong men, then she asked, or did they chose us. In my humble opinion we weren't sitting around like flowers in a flower shop waiting to be picked, we also make choices and have to take some responsibility when things didn't turn out quite the way we expected.
Men who abuse women have often come from abusive backgrounds and why they don't chose to be different is beyond my own understanding, but we also chose them and for very similar reasons. Many of us grew up with abuse and witnessed fathers and step fathers abusing our mothers. Then why didn't we chose a different path, surely one would think that the signs are there from the beginning? Did our mothers deserve what they went through? Did they stay longer than they should have? Did they protect us as children or did they also expose us to the trauma of their dysfunctional relationships? We know the answer to that. They too were victims.
I am not crazy about the word VICTIM it implies that we are helpless and often that is true, but there certainly are times when we are not. Domestic Violence breaks down one's confidence and our faith in the future and in ourselves. If we are ever going to change the course of our own lives we have to take some responsibility.
1. We have to accept that we made some huge mistakes. Believed the lies that were told to us but even when we knew the truth we didn't do much about it.
2. We have to think about our own lives, what we want, what we deserve and how we are going to achieve those things.
3. People don't pitch up on the doorstep to rescue us, we have to find ways to rescue ourselves.
4. We need to surround ourselves with people who DO understand what we are going through, or have been through. BUT we must be careful not to get stuck in pity parties. For a while we need shoulders to cry on, but sooner or later WE have to make the next move and put one foot in front of the other.
5. We need a plan. From my own experience by the time my own marriage was over I hardly had the strength to get out of bed, let alone plan for a safe and happy future. Try not to wait until it gets that bad. Spend time with someone who cares about your future and together start planning for the future. Leaving an abusive relationship often doesn't happen over night, but as long as we have some plan in place as to how we are going to end the abuse, we have taken the first step.
There is plenty of information on my website concerning how to GET OUT SAFELY from an abusive relationship, spend some time on the site searching for the information you need.
TIME TO THINK ABOUT YOUR FUTURE AND YOUR CHILDREN IF YOU HAVE THEM.
If you need to ask any questions you can email me at carylw3@mweb.co.za I will how ever not be responding to any emails after the 10th December 2012.
More information, click on this link.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Life is a journey
The only thing that is really bad and final about LIFE... is DEATH. People are all here for a time, a season and a reason. Doing the best they can even when other people think they could and should be doing more.
We aren't here to judge or criticize another persons journey or choices but rather to try and help them get to where they want to be. Every criticism is a stumbling block to their success.
Think about that.
We aren't here to judge or criticize another persons journey or choices but rather to try and help them get to where they want to be. Every criticism is a stumbling block to their success.
Think about that.
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