Thursday, November 29, 2012

Day One

16 Days of Activism against Women and Child Abuse

Well, I will be posting for the next 16 days to inspire those of you who are locked into the cycle of abuse.

For the past 7 years since I wrote my book I was on my own personal journey to heal. So often we don't give ourselves time, to work through some of our own choices and how and why we ended up where we did.

Someone said to me this morning... we chose the wrong men, then she asked, or did they chose us. In my humble opinion we weren't sitting around like flowers in a flower shop waiting to be picked, we also make choices and have to take some responsibility when things didn't turn out quite the way we expected.

Men who abuse women have often come from abusive backgrounds and why they don't chose to be different is beyond my own understanding, but we also chose them and for very similar reasons. Many of us grew up with abuse and witnessed fathers and step fathers abusing our mothers. Then why didn't we chose a different path, surely one would think that the signs are there from the beginning? Did our mothers deserve what they went through? Did they stay longer than they should have? Did they protect us as children or did they also expose us to the trauma of their dysfunctional relationships? We know the answer to that. They too were victims.

I am not crazy about the word VICTIM it implies that we are helpless and often that is true, but there certainly are times when we are not. Domestic Violence breaks down one's confidence and our faith in the future and in ourselves. If we are ever going to change the course of our own lives we have to take some responsibility.
1. We have to accept that we made some huge mistakes. Believed the lies that were told to us but even when we knew the truth we didn't do much about it.
2. We have to think about our own lives, what we want, what we deserve and how we are going to achieve those things.
3. People don't pitch up on the doorstep to rescue us, we have to find ways to rescue ourselves.
4. We need to surround ourselves with people who DO understand what we are going through, or have been through. BUT we must be careful not to get stuck in pity parties. For a while we need shoulders to cry on, but sooner or later WE have to make the next move and put one foot in front of the other.
5. We need a plan. From my own experience by the time my own marriage was over I hardly had the strength to get out of bed, let alone plan for a safe and happy future. Try not to wait until it gets that bad. Spend time with someone who cares about your future and together start planning for the future. Leaving an abusive relationship often doesn't happen over night, but as long as we have some plan in place as to how we are going to end the abuse, we have taken the first step.

There is plenty of information on my website concerning how to GET OUT SAFELY from an abusive relationship, spend some time on the site searching for the information you need.


If you need to ask any questions you can email me at I will how ever not be responding to any emails after the 10th December 2012.

More information, click on this link.

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