Monday, October 22, 2012

Success Story

I love success stories. This man contacted me some time ago admitting that his behavour had been inappropriate and he needed help. I referred him to a therapist who I have seen myself and she is excellent. I sent X an email to find out how he was doing and this was his response.
Hi Caryl,


Thank-you so much for your email. I am fantastic. Therapy with Ann-MArie has been intensive but so worthwhile. I have overcome so much and by the Grace of God have put my demons to rest. I no longer feel anger, bitterness or any other negative emotion. It truly has been a tough but incredible journey. I have also become a reborn Christian which has helped me on this personal journey and I can only say miracles have happened and continue to happen. I am loving life and for the first time in many, many years I am happy and at peace with the world. I work on myself intensily everyday and make a daily commitment to never go back to where I was. I have truly let go of my past and no longer suffer from Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... When I do have the occasional very, very minor wobble I have the full spectrum of tools to deal with situations. I am truly blessed to have gone to Mural and to have "met"you. I talk to men on a daily basis and help and encourage other men to learn to be better husbands, fathers, sons , friends and brothers.

I hope one day to meet you and thank-you in person for the nudge in the right direction.

God bless, XXX


Saturday, October 20, 2012

My book

(At the top of the page in the right hand margin)

PRICE $24 includes shipping.

SA $165 excluding postage
Contact: to do an EFT

What about the children

For the past 7 years I can honestly say that 99.9% or the people who contact me via email from my website , contact me to ask for help in someway for themselves. But sadly recently I have been receiving emails from different people who are extremely concerned about either their own children or the children of a family member.

Where do we begin to help these innocent little people? There was a terrible article in a local magazine recently from a mother whose daughter and grandchildren are trapped in an extremely abusive home. The grandmother was pleading for help before it is too late. The story she told about her son -in-law was horrific.

Soon after this article was published I someone contacted me with a very similar story. She was agonizing about what she could do to help. Fearing not only for her daughter but her grandchildren who are exposed to the abuse.

When my children were very small I often tried to keep the abuse silent, from friends but more importantly silent from the neighbours. I was terrified that if they reported what was going on in my home that my children would be taken away from me. This is a huge problem. The mother is in such trauma herself and fearing for her life that she often clings to her children for her own comfort if not for theirs. If the children were removed from the home she knows that the abuse would escalate because 'he' is likely to say..."and it is all your fault". The abuse is likely to get worse and who knows were it could end up.

Mothers are terrified that their children will be put in foster care which might come with a whole lot more problems. Children being brought up in homes with foster parents who shouldn't be fostering in the first place.

People will ask... How can she do this to her children? For their sake she needs to leave. If it was that simple she would have left long ago. So what are we to do about the children?

My daughters are all grown up and thankfully they are more together than one would expect after being raised in such a dysfunctional homes. They have all been in therapy which has helped them tremendously and we have been through some rough patches when they have not been very understanding towards me and have blamed me in some ways for the trauma they went through. It has been extremely hard, but I always understood that they were children and needed time to work through everything themselves. Today we are united as a family of girls, but what about when they were younger? What could I have done differently to save them from all the violence and excessive drinking. I don't believe I could have done much more than I did.

What are we going to do about the children we know are in abusive homes? Do we sit back and wait for something really bad to happen or even sit back knowing that these children are being traumatized every single day by what they are being exposed to?

Please if you have any thoughts on this please leave your comments.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

For My Children

Thank you for sharing this poem with all those who follow this blog.

For my children
i cringe from the memories you left
the things you made me see
a tiny body
an innocent
you sought to destroy
to break me
to reign me in

i had failed to protect them
from your malice
i had failed to protect myself
from your hatred

my children
forgive me
my daughter
i tried to stop him

my soul
i'm sorry
for bending you
beyond breaking

i will confront him
i will stand in front of judge and jury
and his golden face
will make me a lair
but i know
that in my home
you live like kings
and you fear nothing

no more
will i lie awake,
and wonder if i will live through the night
never again
will i sell my heart so cheap

and as alone i may be
a cold bed
or worth more
than warm grave
i had been married to an abusive man
he tried to kill my kitten to teach me a lesson
she is alive and healthy, and living like a goddess in my home

abuse is real, and the only way it will end, is if people become involved, dont avert your eyes, dont turn a deaf ear. you can save a life.