Sunday, July 2, 2017

Temporary Insanity

One hears this term often used in court cases, but we seldom even try and understand what exactly that means. Click on the link -Temporary Insanity
When I was married to my Narcissistic ex husband who I believe was torturing me mentally for years there was an incident that occurred during one of our many fights, that pushed me to my breaking point, causing me to completely lose control and I proceeded to do some damage to ornaments, TV and various other things.

It's important to put things in context, in a time line of events. A few weeks prior to this demolition I had a complete nervous break down, attempted suicide and spent time in hospital. The attempted suicide was completely unplanned.  No suicide letter for my precious daughters, just an irrational decision. After 3 days of laying in bed unconscious, with no interest or intervention from my husband, my domestic worker chose wisely to call my daughters who took me immediately to hospital, no visits from my husband of course.
Anyone who has ever had a nervous breakdown will know, one is pumped full of medication and it's almost impossible to be rational. It was a few weeks later when I did the damage to my home. After I came out of hospital, my husband simply escalated the emotional abuse. I'm convinced that he was pushing me to commit suicide to escape any divorce settlement and make himself look like the victim.

My husband had me arrested and I spent 15 hours in jail which was the most traumatic experience I have ever been through in my life, far worse than the beatings he dished out regularly. I was charged with malicious damage to property. Unbeknown to me, one cannot be charged for damaging property in the matrimonial home when the property was 'ours', not his. We were married with an accrual contract. Everything was OURS, but at the time I was so mentally tortured I could barely speak my own name. My husbands cousin was an attorney, between them they were determined to destroy me. Anyone who knows me, knows I don't have a raging temper, he did, but my behaviour that night was simply out of character.
If you read my book, you may wonder what made me go back to my husband after this event? I was broken and simply submitted to 2 men who had the power to destroy me and my family, which they later did anyway. I spent the next 4 years, trying to hold on to my sanity so that I could figure out a way to escape unharmed. I may add, that from that day in 2000 to this I have never taken any medication for depression or anxiety ever again, in spite of the years of suffering with CPTSD, I was simply too afraid. I chose to heal my soul wounds consciously.

Several years later when we were getting divorced I had laid charges against him for Domestic Violence, my violent, controlling husband used the previous charges against me as leverage. He bargained, if I dropped the charges against him he would do the same. In hindsight, what a fool I was. If I knew then what I know now, I would have pursued the case to the bitter end. I had mountains of evidence against him, but I obeyed his orders and dropped all the charges. He and his cousin attorney had won that round and would win many more after.
Knowing that a violent guilty person can get off without even a rap on the knuckles can push any victim further into depression and mental illness, which in my case it did.
Please read my next post on HEALING SOUL WOUNDS.

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