Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Wonderful Testimony

                                                        The link for this photograph              
I have people contacting me from my website often. Most of them are in abusive relationships and they are needing some kind of support. Some people ask how to go about getting a restraining order and others just want to know if they will be able to make it on their own. I do my best to give advice and comfort where I can and more practical advice if they need it like referring them to therapists or legal stuff.
About a year ago a young lady contacted me and she told me her story, not unsimilar to most of the stories I hear, but I could hear by the tone of her emails that she really did want help and she really did want to end it. We communicated for some time. She has a son and at the time didn't have a car or a job, so financially she was in a very bad place.
I don't dig around in peoples lives by contacting them if they don't keep in touch with me. But every now and again I will email someone just to see how they are doing. In this case I contacted this lady a couple of days ago to see how things were going. She contacted me straight back to thank me so much for the support I had given her at the time she contacted me. She now has a job, the abusive relationship long gone. She has bought herself a little car her son is happy and she is with her first love, if I can say that. He is someone she knew a very long time ago. He has a daughter and he recently proposed to her. I could just hear the excitement and happiness in her email.

That is what makes the work I do so rewarding and worth while. I pray that God will continue to bless her and that she and her fiance will be happy together. She tells me he is so opposite to her abusive boyfriend, he is kind and caring towards both her and her son. I wish them well.

Three steps forward and two steps back!

My dream catcher is always out there waiting.

Escaping the past is not easy.

Something wonderful is about to happen and I had an urgency to make a special journal for someone very dear to me. A few days ago I made the journal and then started to document events from the beginning of my first marriage. I was hoping to make it really special and to fill it with good memories... I really have to scratch my brain and show some gratitude for the past but it is so difficult. This was a very important thing for me to undertake but I had no idea how far back the abuse in my life began.

Now that I am on my own and I have this time to heal I am so sad that my beautiful daughters were subjected to so much unhappiness.

I have been doing a lot of reading lately about positive people and their opinions about survival and the different ways that they have overcome adversity. I know that in my own case it was only by the grace of God and my own determination not to be beaten. I have more bad days than good ones unfortunately and still suffer badly with nightmares. I wish that I could have a good nights sleep... that will come... one day.

When I journal about events in the past my heart absolutely breaks to think of what my children went through and how helpless they were to change things. I feel guilty that I put them through so much. I know it wasn't my fault, I just wish I had had the strength to leave and make a better life for all of us. I am now becoming so aware of how much damage is done when we are abused. I survived because I used my external attributes to hide the pain, but now that I am getting older it is very visible on the outside what has happened on the inside... I fell like I am inside out! I still have hope though and I can only trust God that He will complete the work that He began in me, as He promised.