While doing some research on CPTS -Complex Post Traumatic Stress I came upon this website with an incredible article that I think all victims of domestic violence should read. Please do yourself a favour when you have some time and read this article.Pete Walker Article
This is part of the therapy that I myself worked through with a Trauma Doctor and found incredibly helpful. It is never too late to learn about ourselves and make the necessary changes to bring about the life we were meant to live.
The treatment that I went through for almost a year I refer to as the 5 Ducks. My therapist had a slightly different way of presenting it which was quite fun.
The 5 Ducks:
Flight, Fight, Freeze, Submit and Attach.
Attachment: 0 - 3 years - Cry for help
Desperate, craves rescue & connection, sweet, charming, dependent, childlike
Submit: 4- 9 years - Ashamed
Depressed, ashamed, self loathing, passive, 'good girl', caretaker
Freeze: 10- 13 years - Terrified
Frozen, terrified, wary, phobic of being seen, agoraphobic, reports panic attacks
Fight: 13 - 18 years - Distancer
Distancer, runner, ambicalent, cannot commit, addictive behaviour
Flight: 19 - and upwards - Bodyguard
Angry, mistrustful, self destructive, devaluing, impulsive, suicidal
My therapist explained that at the specific age from 0 - adulthood we typically react to stressful, painful, dangerous, or threatening situations with the responses above. By the time we reach adulthood we have worked out our own way of coping and surviving but not necessarily worked out the healthy way to react.
Many victims of domestic violence come from a traumatised background as do the perpertrators, so it stands to reason that The Dance Macabre is about the way we react with one another within the abusive relationship.
PLEASE READ THE ARTICLE TO UNDERSTAND HOW THE 5 DUCKS WORK AND HOW WE CAN RECOGNISE OUR OWN BEHAVIOUR AND MAKE THE NECESSARY CHANGES.