Thursday, October 27, 2011

Testimony by Marie Rosada

A wonderful testimony as to how we can all turn bad experiences into good ones. PTS often affects the family of the victim. Marie's sister was abducted and raped and this is her story, it really is worth reading if you are a family member or friend of someone who has experienced a traumatic event.
Marie has a blog and you can follow her here.
It takes courage and bravery to speak out and share your fears and the trauma you have experienced, there will be many people who don't understand and they will have their own opinions about the way you manage your life and it won't always be comforting, but there will be far more people who do understand and who will support you and most of all protect you while you heal.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

My secret place

Part of dealing with life as a whole is to find time to be quiet. There is a beautiful scripture in the Bible that says.... Be still and know that I am God.
When life gets really tough and I need to escape, I take myself off to some very secret places which I have never shared with anyone ever, but I am willing to share with you. For a long time I found it really hard to go to my secret place without my ghosts coming with me and haunting me on the journey, invasive thoughts fear and terror. That doesn't happen anymore and last night I had a full nights sleep which hasn't happened in years.
My ritual was no different from the many times before, but this time I was very relaxed, exhausted and fell into a deep sleep after my bath.
I lit this candle that I always use when I meditate and it has lasted months. I had smaller ones all around my bath, some incense and some soft mediation music playing in the background. I rolled up a towel to place behind my head and closed my eyes counting down slowly from 10 and taking big deep breaths.
My journey starts with the first step... I find myself in the forest where there is a gentle stream with stepping stones which I follow step by step. Concentrating to relax and taking in all that is around me, it is so pretty. When I hear the noise of traffic, or a person comes to mind, I gently turn to put my hand up and stay 'stop', this is my secret place where only I can go.
I am not aware of time but I walk deeper and deeper into the forest. I can hear in the distance a waterfall and my heart quickens, I know where I am going, to one of my favourite places on earth.
Everything is so green, the air is fresh and all I can hear is the sounds of nature. I am not afraid and I am alone. This is my little spot where I remove my clothing and leave it folded on the rock. I don't try and hide my nakedness, no one has ever been here before and never will. From this point on I am completely naked and alone, momentarily I am anxious, but I take a deep breath and let it go. As I do so, thousands of butterflies appear from no where, my favourite colour of purple and turquoise.
I am overwhelmed with joy when I see them all around me. As I begin to continue on my journey there are so many beautiful things to see, touch, smell, and feel... I am happy.
I have transformed and beginning to feel that I am one with nature, but I remind myself of why I am here and I continue to climb even higher into the forest and the sound of water gets louder and louder. In the clearing just ahead.....
Stopping for just a while I need to listen to the music, and pray a while. I pray for my own healing and those of all the people I love, there are many.... my tears begin to flow with out thinking about anything or anyone I can't seem to help it. I know that each time I come here my tears are less and less.
One of my favourite places on earth and I have actually been here so this is very real for me. It is so hot and the water is cool not cold, I have no idea how long I stay here. Sitting in the pools and meditating on nothing in particular except the place where I am.
The sun begins to disappear and the waterfalls become silent in a strange way. Is it because I am completely at peace where there is no noise at all in my head.
This is where I stay when I am away from the world and all its troubles.  I have left nothing behind. The wine is in the fridge, my paints are on the patio waiting for me to settle in for a few days painting. The only people  I wish could be here with me are my children and my grandchildren, one day I will invite them.... but for now I am going to relax in a nice warm bath and slip between the sheets and fall into a deep sleep.... ZZZzzzzzz

I am busy renovating the bathroom area which I will show you when you come and walk with me next time. I shall not be here tomorrow when I awake.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011


We have all heard someone say... I love him with all my heart and soul. Personally I think it is natural and desirable to love someone with all your heart, but not all your soul. Tell me what you think about this?

The reason I say not with all my soul, because I think my soul is a holy sanctuary where only God is invited. My soul is the inner core of who I am, my inner most thoughts and feelings are in my soul. My soul is the place I meditate on when I invite God in, to show me my faults and help me see where I might be going wrong and disappointing Him. My soul is the place where God keeps me whole, where He loves me and has created me just the way I am. 
If I allow someone into my soul, no one is perfect and they will more than likely hurt and disappoint me, they may cause me to struggle with my relationship with God. My insecurities and fear may cause me to hold back and stop communicating with Him especially if my life isn't right with the other person.
My soul is a space in my heart which has a beautiful bright white light... His light that shines with in me. It is the place where I can leave the world outside and be quiet and listen... to what I am thinking and feeling and what He is saying to me. I cannot be distracted with more than two of us in that Holy space. My soul is my essence.

When I have allowed people into that space they have come in with all their imperfections and I have lost my peace and serenity, I become confused about what they speak into my life and what He wants me to hear.  My soul is where I am at my most vulnerable, where my inside shows on the outside. Since the garden of Eden my soul is covered over with His love.

If you would like to read a preview of my book you will be able to read the first 60 pages on this link. When we are in an abusive relationship our soul is being violated so badly that the abuser takes up the  space where only God should be.


I am completely and utterly sleep deprived, nightmares every single night or talking in my sleep wakes me up constantly. I will not give up on myself. Last night I started a program to try and help me with this problem which I have had for 6 years, but has slowly become worse when I moved back into the same city as my ex husband. I have lots to share with you so please pop back, I am just on my way out to an appointment and will be back later today... much later :o)

Hang in there, we are going to get through this.

Saturday, October 22, 2011


Whether or not you are reading this post because you have PTSD or not this is a website that I think would benefit anyone who has been the victim of Domestic Violence. Plough your way through to find the solutions to your particular situation.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Aha moment

Website for this image, worth reading.

When a person is in an abusive relationship, friends and family will always ask... but why don't you 'just' leave, why do you keep going back? Seldom can the victim, 'just' leave. Women who leave straight after the first sign of abuse are usually women with a healthy self image, they might have a strong support system i.e family and good friends, they are usually financially independent. Most victims who stay in abusive relationships have experienced abuse in childhood, do not have a healthy self image, and are not financially independent. I excluded family because sometimes abused women do have a supportive family and friends, who might not understand, become exasperated and run out of patience with the victim but they have offered to help.

When women are stuck, notice I didn't say trapped although they might feel trapped I am using the word stuck because victims often cannot understand or see a way out of the situation. Often outsiders beg the person to leave, offer to help and cannot UNDERSTAND the dynamics of abusive relationships which causes the victim to become silent about the severity of the abuse, which is why victims need therapy and support in a safe environment from professionals. Not all professionals, Lawyers, counsellors, psychologists, religious leaders etc understand abuse therefore the victim and her family have to seek out the right person who DO understand.
Abuse can happen to anyone. Website for this image.
SILENCE for the victim is wrongly perceived, as creating for themselves a safe place to survive or at least exist. Speaking out can cause more abuse by the perpetrator who will deny the abuse and outsiders who don't understand and lack compassion and they may blame the victim for what he or she has been through.

I repeat, surviving an abusive relationship goes way beyond 'just' leaving.
The link for this image.

When the victim is out of the abusive relationship, family and friends will be supportive for a time and a season and then they will EXPECT the victim to move forward with her life with forgiveness and a cheerful smile on her face. After a certain amount of time, which differs for each person, the family and friends will tire of the situation if the victim doesn't move on with her life, find a new relationship and be thankful that she is no longer trapped in the abuse. Outsiders may not understand the severity of the trauma that has been caused and become frustrated with the victim.

AHA MOMENT: In both the following situations, the VICTIM may remain silent because of FEAR. Fear of the abuser and fear of not being understood by outsiders, vulnerable to criticism.
The SURVIVOR may also become silent and withdraw, as a result of not being understood by family and friends as to why she struggles so much and can't move forward. Perhaps they cannot afford therapy and struggle to regain their financial and emotional independence and find healing. There maybe no support, financial struggles to focus on, children to take care of, and lack of understanding by the victim, as to the role she played in the abusive cycle. ABUSE IS NO EXCUSE but the victim is part of the pattern of abuse.

The dictionary translation:

1. A means of healing or restoration to health - remedy.
2. A method or course of remedial treatment as for a disease.
3. Successful remedial treatment, restoration to health.
4. Means of correcting or relieving anything that is troublesome or detrimental.

1. An event that is contrary to the established laws of nature and attributed to supernatural cause.
2. Being in or seeming a miracle: a miracle cure.

Leaving an abusive relationship is not a miracle cure. Healing will take time depending on many variable options mentioned above and depending on personality, length of time suffering the abuse and the severity of the abuse.

If you are reading this as a victim I strongly suggest that you protect yourself and join a support group and get professional help. Don't waste your time speaking to people who you KNOW will not understand you and they may hurt you even more by offering the wrong advice.
If you know someone who is a victim make the same suggestion, you may not be the right person to help, and can cause further damage forcing the victim to withdraw and become SILENT.

We are always told as victims, break the silence, speak to someone. As survivors we are told, move on with your life, be thankful the abuse has stopped and you should be happy.
If you are a friend or family member and you are becoming angry and frustrated, then encourage the victim or survivor to get help and you must step back.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

The link for this photo.

I have struggled with this disorder for many years with out much success in any kind of therapy. The Trauma counsellor that I am seeing at the moment is only one of 3 specialists in the country and for the first time I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.
All the side affects of this disorder are horrible but for me one of the worst is the inability to have a solid good nights sleep. I have nightmares virtually every single night. I was searching on the internet to see if I could find anything that would help. I came across this site and think that there a lot of really good tips if you are struggling with the same problems. I followed a lot of the links and it was fascinating and I am very keen to get started. What annoys me is why none of the professional people who I have spoken to in the past 6 years have helped me with any of the advice that is on this particular website, one of the first things I tell counsellors is that I have not had one night of uninterrupted sleep in 6 years. I would think that would be a good starting point to deal with PTSD... getting a good night sleep?

If you are living in Johannesburg you can contact a Trauma counsellor at this link SAITS South African Institute for Traumatic Stress.